yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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