Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
