I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
