you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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