1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
