i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
