we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
