I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
