loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
