I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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