I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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