He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
