the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
