I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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