I can text with my tongue
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
