My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
