It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We left the knife in your bed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
