This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
