Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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