it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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