shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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