she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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