I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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