let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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