i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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