never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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