At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize
