did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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