turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
