looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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