you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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