I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize