tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
