I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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