New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
