I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
