dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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