VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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