i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Are my feet made of real feet?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
