I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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