Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
