so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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