This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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