I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
