doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
