that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Life is so much better after having sex.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
