thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
