You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
