And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
