Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
