I think i peed on brittanys purse
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
