it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
