you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
