so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
