omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
