my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
