walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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