I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
