no, he came in my armpit
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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