and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
