I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
