The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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