you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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