Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
