What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
