You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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