so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
