i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How naked do you want me to be?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
