I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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