Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
