I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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