I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
