I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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