dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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