You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
