I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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