Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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