i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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