I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
