I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
