my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
